The Last Light Inn talks. Locked to @divinestrike

[pale_elf]

[Dreaming of a Cazador was the norm, when he lowered his guard and entered meditative state... sometimes things slipped in. Sometimes he just lacked a proper defense from some thoughts and memories flooded back in, vivid and true like the day he lived them. Remembering the night his master lulled him sweet dreams while torturing him with his 'needles' and carving his skin so many times marks managed to stay despite the vampire regeneration- well, it had been a terrible experience, but he pushed through those memories until he could read the marks and make something out of them. Infernal. That was his only lead in understanding what Cazador did to him.

Considering how much the bastard enjoyed stopping by and ask him to strip just to admire his work during the ages, he was pretty sure it was something important- that or Cazador was rather pleased he managed to leave a mark over a body who had incredible regenerative powers. 

He had been considering to try his luck with Raphael for a while, it was his best bet to make sense of something he carried on his back and never saw for... far too long. He studied infernal pacts, had casual conversations with Wyll about it without bringing up his actual intentions and just saying he was moderately afraid that between Mizora and Raphael they were at risk- dealing with a devil, accepting to pay something in exchange of something else was incredibly risky, but was it better or worse than returning in his master's city and not having a clue on what, beside pride, was driving him to seek his spawn back so much?

Hell, he sent a Gur hunter after him. A message and a threat.]

Well, fuck me... just not literally.

[It was with those words that he stepped away from the party that was talking with Jaheira. He knew very well he had to stay in her peripheral vision not to cause any stir or trouble, but the man he wanted to see was right there playing a game with the tiefling kid named Mol. He gave the kid just a push to win, saw her run away and then stopped discussing with the Devil. A deal was made rather quickly, but he still didn't know what he had to pay. At least there was no contract so, as far as he knew, not getting his part done was just going to mean he wasn't going to get any answer, nothing worse.

By the time Nepione was done talking with the druid and Karlach was starting to fangirl after her war hero, he was sitting in front of the game board, barely touching the tip of the queen with one of his fingers and dreading the next move. They... needed protection, they needed to ally with someone and he didn't know if a bunch of surviving harpers were their best bet in this equation. Nor he knew if he wanted to leave the shadow lands, despite the evident lack of food that was starting to take a tool on him, because anything after terrified him. And finding out what Raphael wanted... well, he was going to face that when time came.]

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[divinestrike]

[If she could describe the Shadow-Curse as anything, Nepione could only liken it to coldness. Something that she felt in a way that it almost reached the very bones. It was cold and lonely. Hollow. She didn't like it one bit. She wouldn't have said she was particularly afraid of it. Only that it left her incredibly uncomfortable. And she suspected the others felt much the same.

Except Shadowheart who seemed... perhaps not thrilled, but certainly not in the same state as those around her. So much for 'bucolic' settings, as a certain tall druid had once said.

Last Light Inn was substantially more welcoming. Comforting, though Jaheira, who Nepione had known the name from any number of bardic songs and sonnets, was considerably... intimidating. The tiefling had yet to decide if she could really fully trust her. Perhaps just enough that if she was going to do anything, she would have done it the moment Nepione arrived with the others.

With the same amount of apprehension that she'd ever held when it came to sharing information, she divulged what she could to Jaheira, though was frightfully without details. She only knew, in truth, that their ultimate goal was to find Moonrise Towers and that perhaps, just maybe, they'd find answers to some of the questions they each had locked away in their heads.

There was the nature of the Shadow-Curse as well and knowing that Halsin had specifically come all of the way from the Emerald Grove to the present put his plight on an equally high priority. Ideally, Nepione would have been able to accomplish each and every thing, but she feared trying to make promises or anything else like it. She doubted she could have withstood disappointing those around her.

With not terribly much to go off of other than what little information was given, Nepione found herself stretching her arms above her head. At least they had a nice place to stay. Familiar tiefling faces, though not all of them, and she suspected that was just more to put onto her plate of things to do. Of course, if she kept insisting she get involved in every little thing, she was most likely going to run herself ragged. Some moderation would have been wise, but for all of her discipline, evidently she didn't harness enough of it to accomplish that.]

We'll let you know what we find.

[Was what she last said to druid that Karlach was fawning over and Nepione took a moment to scout their surroundings, only scarcely catching Astarion in a quiet little section to the side, by stairs that led to the second floor, which she followed for a moment or two before setting her attention back onto him.

Although not keen to outright interrupt him, she did eventually make her way, giving him some adequate distance before she folded her hands together patiently. Chess had certainly never been her forte. Nepione was hardly strategic. Perhaps only in language, if even that. But she couldn't read Astarion's expression, or whatever he'd gotten himself up to whilst she was preoccupied tending to other matters.]

...Not trying to interrupt, but the extent of my knowledge on this is once you touch a piece, you can't let it go until you've actually made your move.

[Yes. Very helpful.]

[pale_elf]

[For Astarion the Shadow curse was... something irritating. He was the predator when darkness fell, that was the norm, the curse made him feel like he was stalked like a prey and that broke his nerves. But beside that? It was manageable despite the lack of food options. His nose wandered when he first walked in the inn's borders, but the immediate hostility of the presents was enough to tell him biting any of the presents wasn't an option. His upset stomach was more of a bother than the lack of light itself, as long as he kept a torch within reach he was fine.

The inn had the smell of food all around, it didn't give him any comfort because he knew he counted as one of the enemies until the opposite was proven and... something was off there as well. Hard to focus on every other problem when he just made a move in what couldn't be anything else than in favor of a devil and... well, secretly added one more issue to the pile. He had been careful, only the cleric knew about his scars, he even rejected advances from Lae'zel multiple times to keep it for himself. It would have been so easy just to go with the flow and sleep with the gith to have yet another point of strenght in his favor, but as his anxiety grew- he just didn't feel like he had it in himself. That and if he had to be coherent with his supposed crush on the Tiefling he had to cut all the side bullshit.

Did he even choose well? What were the others even going to say if they were to learn he made some kind of deal with a fucking cambion? He laughed about Wyll and Mizora's deal and now was dangerously stepping close to fall in the pit himself. Hopefully whatever the bastar requested him was doable without losing his life or something. At least when the cleric approached, the Devil was long gone, probably off to torment someone else.]

I made my move already, I am waiting for my opponent to make his own. All I can do now is taking in every detail of what's on the field and make sure I can put everything in my advantage as soon as things move once more.

[Was this just about chess? No, it wasn't. Astarion turned in her direction, checking how many people were within earshot. One was Wroot, Wroom, the gnome they helped for a while. He was too busy tinkering with his explosives to even check on them for now. There was also a cat, that was a risk considering any druid could talk with him, but His Majesty didn't seem to care much about their current situation.]

The kid. Mol. She's over there. [He tilted his head to the side, pointing vaguely toward the back. She moved in the mini bar, didn't she?] She's... you always try to do the right thing, right? Someone should probably convince that girl that dealing with devils is a terrible idea.

[There. He informed Nepione that Astarion had been busy meeting someone from Hell without exposing too much what the entire dialogue had been about.]

Raphael sucks at chess, by the way. Ten gold Karlach could beat him, at least at this game.

[divinestrike]

[There was not really much of anything he said that didn't immediately sound concerning to her. Mostly because if he wasn't actively playing against someone, he was playing against himself. The way he phrased it was considerably more profound than it likely even should have been. Filled with a variety of meaning that he wasn't readily offering up to her. But she couldn't simply crack him open as much as she sometimes simply wanted to gently shake him back and forth in hopes that some of his secrets might proverbially fall loose.

The more secrets they held, those that would or could potentially affect all of them, the more difficult this little misadventure was going to be. She wasn't going to get anything out of him, however, if she pressed too hard. She'd need at least a moment or two to figure out how to address that and where even to begin. When he made mention of Mol, the tiefling that Nepione had remembered with relative ease, her gaze wandered in the direction of the bar where Rolan, apprentice to Lorroakan extraordinaire was sitting with his own... expression of much displeasure.]

Noted.

[She found herself immediately replying, adding it to just one more thing that she was evidently going to get herself involved in. Of course, the nature of dealing with devils made it all the more important.

Drawing her attention back onto Astarion, her posture shifted and she lifted a hand to set atop her hip.]

Raphael was here?

[Pieces could have been theoretically put together. Astarion had... obviously spoken with him. Regarding what, she couldn't say, but if it was Raphael, it was nothing good. For all that she liked to think she wasn't particularly fearing, the cambion made her very nervous. There was just something about him that made her want to steer quite clear of him, despite whatever anyone else might have thought regarding his so-called desperation (Gale) or the accumulation of power in exchange for... something.

The 'something' was always the part that made her nervous.

Finally choosing to sit opposite of Astarion, she leaned onto an arm, lowering her voice to something that would be a bit more subdued.]

Is that all you're going to tell me?

[pale_elf]

[The vampire's eyes wandered over the chessboard and he held up his queen, hitting every adversary piece to make them fall to the side. What was even safe to share in a place where he felt surrounded by enemies? If he was with the Absolute's forces... maybe he'd be between monsters with terrible blood, yes, but he would feel like he belonged. At least to some degree. His walls were up, his body tense, and he already did his good deed for the day by informing the cleric that the kid needed guidance. And to be dragged away from the Cambion before she made the stupid mistake of signing any contract with him. The devils always won, that was never going to change.

With the last pawn down, the rogue moved back, sitting on the chair with both hands on his lap. It was... a strange behaviour from him, but he was on full alert for many reasons and even his usual antics- what if he turned the people of this place against him? How was he even supposed to survive without any kind of protection, without food and now with a devil just waiting to let him know the price for the information he needed?

Against his better judgement, he gestured to invite her to sit where the devil was just a moment earlier.]

He was. Him and Mol were the ones playing.

[That was safe to share. People of the inn probably didn't mind Mol around and didn't know about Raphael's true nature. The Tieflings had been welcomed to the place, if Mattis opening a little shop was anthing to go by, and- they weren't a danger. They weren't the danger. With her sitting down on the opposite side, leaning on her arm, he decided to open a bit more, but only because there was an advantage in showing he trusted her -he didn't- and that he valued her more than anyone else -of course he didn't-.]

I told you. I made my move. Now I wait.

[A very casual way to let her know that he did, in fact, talk with Raphael himself. To inform her that 'the move' was him making some deal with it and keeping things casual enough not to attract people's attention on them. Fortunately enough, Karlach was still... fawning over Jaheira and not paying them any attention.]

We all need things in our group, don't we? Maybe I just asked for a fresh rabbit, nothing you should worry about. When I walked in I could smell the Ox near the blacksmit, you know? I think the strange, slimey ox we met in the grove is here as well.

[There was a pause where he dealt with conflicting feelings. This... trusting anyone with his more intimate problems was a scary concept, but his life depended on not ending alone... his suave attitude dropped, the smile he managed to put on his lips disappeared and he just glanced outside, toward the pale barrier that kept the shadows at bay.]

Everyone in our group needs something, one way or another. I am no different.

[divinestrike]

[So not just Astarion, but actively Mol as well. For just a moment, she looked and felt incredibly annoyed by the situation. How could she be an effective leader, an adequate protector of those she travelled with if they were going to get themselves willingly involved in something they had no business being anywhere near? And if she said that, the only person who would look bad in that situation was her. She felt effectively trapped.

Couldn't address it. Couldn't not say anything.

The gentle simmer of her blood crept up and drawing in a long breath, she simply held it, as if waiting for her temper to cool. For all that she was well put together and frequently seemed yielding of disposition, Nepione still experienced everything that everyone else did.]

I get the feeling this was not about rabbit. [Was all she said to begin with and then after a moment's consideration, she set her weight into the hand she used to push herself up.] Whatever this 'something' is, you realise you and I will be having some words if this winds up involving all of us.

[It wasn't even a threat because that simply wasn't her style, but it did come across that she was quite serious.]

But what do I know? When it comes to you, nigh nothing. So clearly, all will go according to whatever secret little plan you've got going on.

[And the more she said, the angrier she felt, as if she couldn't quite understand why she was angry. He didn't need her to guard him. He'd proven that plenty of times. He could protect himself. He wasn't her responsibility. And if he was so determined to keep her out, then what choice did she have other than to let him have his way?

He could have what he wanted, in that case.]

[pale_elf]

[Yes, Nepione. The entire place smelled like troubles and more work, but Astarion couldn't bee blamed if the kid ended up making a deal wwith a devil. It wasn't his job nor place to tell her it was a terrible idea, not when she saw him discussing things with Raphael in the first place. Shit, did he just really think 'that kid still has a chance not to make stupid mistakes'? Why did he even care? Only because they had a leader that was far too kind and he knew that any extra problem was the entire group's problem, of course, there was no other reason.

He gave her time to process her feelings, aware that the cleric wasn't pleased with him, and allowed her to express her doubts and heavily chose his next words making sure no one was paying attention to their little conversation.]

Who knows, maybe I am that hungry. [His blood thirst still had to hit those levels of desperation, asking a devil for a snack was probably a terrible, terrible decision. Fortuantely enough, he asked for much more so Raphael literally had a massive positon of advantage over him.] You got me, Darling, I promised Gale's soul in exchange for something that will stop Karlach from snoring. Don't worry, no one of you will deal with a single issue. It's between me, Raphael... and obviously Gale.

[A small reassurance that he wasn't going to drag down anyone else, making sure he didn't share anything too personal. Her next words managed to grind his patience and self control more than expected, though, and Astarion found himself crossing his arms in closure as his lips turned into a thin line. When he spoke again it was nothing more than a whisper, but it broke any mask for a moment just letting all his tension flow outside.]

And we should keep it that way. I will definitely keep working on my secret little evil plan of, oh let me check my notes, trying to survive once I am back to the big city under the shadows of someone who considered flaying me the most amusing thing to do when he had no one else to kill or torture.

[His anger? Mostly derivated from fear. Astarion had no reason to be upset with her and her questions were more than valid, there was no point in snapping at her, but- he was afraid. Nepione's attention was shifting over other problems, he lost his chances with Lae'Zel, Gale was everything but his type in every possible sense, Wyll was too heroic and- and everyone had their problems. It was hard to admit it, even with himself, but the he was almost fully expecting to march against Cazador on his own.]

[divinestrike]

Don't you—

[No. Stop that.

Because just hearing him with that tone of his frustrated her, the same 'Astarion' tone he used when he treated something like it was something to be laughed at or interpreted nonchalantly. He might have thought her to be altogether too serious, but she was just as inclined to think he wasn't taking anything seriously enough. No matter how she felt, however, making a big scene was the wrong way to handle it. If he would not be mature enough for just such a conversation, then she had to be.

She hated that. Always having to be the bigger and better person. Because it was expected of her. Good, little Selûnite cleric, with nary a dark thought in her head, right? Still poised over the chess table, glowing eyes lingering on him as she simply swallowed every little thing he fed her like it wasn't causing havoc along her insides. If anyone ever thought she was unassertive, it was likely because of moments like the present. Where she just tolerated it because she felt like she didn't have any other options.

Besides, maybe she deserved it. She wasn't the best leader. She wasn't even a good one. It was laughable to think she was in a position to protect him or anyone else. She couldn't even protect herself.

She waited until he was done, even gave him more moments that he might have needed, just in case he had anything else he was to fling in her direction. She couldn't imagine what it must have looked like to the outside. A squabble over a chess game? Probably something like that. A lover's quarrel, even. And turning his words over in her head, she examined them carefully, taking a moment to draw her gaze off of him and to the side, lingering on nothing in particular, just very well aware she couldn't continue to look at him if she was going to be discreet.]

I told you I would help you. Is it that you don't trust me? I suppose I deserve that. After all, what have I really done to get you further to what you want? Nothing. I stand in your way. I stop you from doing things that you want to do. Of course you would look elsewhere. How... short-sighted of me to think otherwise.

[And instead of it coming out as malicious as it could have been, it was resigned, because it was all true. What had she really done for him? Next to nothing, in her opinion. If he felt like he meant nothing to her, that was entirely her fault. Her claws gripped the surface of the chessboard, the tension in her hold evident.]

[pale_elf]

[He felt his rage only rising with her answer. He wanted someone to be angry with, someone to have a fight with or anything, truly, to get his head off the deal wiith Raphael, all their problems and the fact he was walking toward his former mastar- and she had to be the level headed person instead of giving him a good excuse to yell for once, to be upset. His nerves were cracking and he needed just a good reason to be angry, storm out of that place and spent time on hisown.

Possibly plenting his fangs in someone's neck. no one was going to notice if he killed someone and then hid the corpse in the shadow lands, right? No, this was his irrational side taking over and he had to keep his control, at least as much as he could.]

It's not a matter of trust or not. Do you think every problem can just be solved like this?

[It wasn't a matter of good leadership, it was a matter of sheer power. cazador was strong, Astarion's siblings were also on his side so he wasn't working alone, there were fanatics also ready to fight for that bastard and people enthralled all around the place. They were outmatched and outnumbered no matter how they put things and the vampire wasn't ready to face any of that.]

I don't want to die. [Again. That was something he said often, mostly joking around and making weird comments right after, but this time it was low, sincere and... difficult to say. Continuing that sentence was more difficult than he wanted to admit, too.] But if I had to choose between death and returning to my previous life, I wouldn't choose my old master.

[And if Cazador got his hands on him, then even the right to choose would be revoked. It almost scared him more than the idea of turning into a mind flayer and lose himself completely. His posture didn't change, still full closure on his side, but at least he found himself willing to offer just a bit more.]

I don't doubt your words when you say you want to help. I just don't think anyone can help. So, I have to take any chance I can, embrace every advantage I can find.

[divinestrike]

[No. Of course not. Of course not every problem could be solved the way Nepione was trying to approach it. And when she heard what he said next, she was certain that some little fragment of her heart shattered.

"I don't want to die."

And that little fragment expanded until she felt like the whole of her insides followed suit. Because she couldn't make a stupid promise that she could keep that from happening. Because when she really faced what sat before them, she couldn't give him a guarantee. Not the way someone like Raphael could. Raphael could have, as simple as a waving of the hand, it seemed, solve every single little issue that the others came up against.

Lifting a hand, she shielded her face, afraid that she would be altogether too transparent. Nepione practically shuddered in the aftermath, still feeling like she was simply in pieces. What could she do.]

...I get it.

[She responded quietly after several long moments.]

Don't talk about this anymore. Not... here. But I understand. [She wasn't pleased about it, but she understood.] I won't press you about it. You are, in truth, most likely right. It is not probable that I could help. At least not effectively.

[pale_elf]

[She was not matching his energy in the slightest... and that only made him deflate oh so slightly. He knew she wasn't really at fault if he was in so much trouble, if he was so afraid to move on, but at the same time he needed someone he could point his finger at and- no, this was the worst possible place to have a meltdown and he- he probably needed some fresh air. The vampire shifted his own weight on his seat, body language betraying his emotions more than he wanted, and it was only after a good minute that he finally broke the silence between them.

He had to focus on what was better in the greater scheme of things, lashing against her for something out of her control was not- appropriate, not if he wanted to stand a chance. Astarion moved once more, turning around and getting ready to stand up.]

You have other things to worry about, this is for me to handle.

[At least until Raphael came with his price, he couldn't guarantee to be able to deal with that on his own. He chose his own path, he now had to go through with it. Talking about any of that in the middle of what was essentially an enemy camp was a danger and he could see her point in wanting to avoid the talk there.]

I will be by the little beach if anyone of you need me, the more I stay away from... [He gestured vaguely around them, silently trying to let her know he meant everyone as a whole. Food and stress, all in one.] The better.

[It took far more effort than he wanted to admit to put back his usual smile and get up from his chair instead of just sitting there and sulk. A finger was raised in her direction and he tried to act as nonchalantly as possible, like the little tense conversation never happened in the first place. Self control, he had decades to practice it and put his act first, now he needed it more than ever.]

Go do what you must. If I know your luck there is at least a dozen more people in here who will ask for your help. And one or two more that will pretend they don't but still need it in the end. You know where to find me, love, I'll be out there.

[divinestrike]

[He was, she decided, a better actor than she was. She couldn't even pretend to smile. She couldn't pretend he hadn't said anything that he had. She couldn't pretend that none of those things failed to affect her. She couldn't pretend that she didn't have feelings of some kind. That was sort of the problem with wearing her heart on her sleeve. Either she'd never learnt entirely how to hide such things or she was just incredibly poor at it.

Or maybe, it was a sliver of both.

She watched the way he gestured, wondering in hindsight how many eyes had seen their exchange, or wondered for an explanation. She wondered how many of the others had been paying attention as well. She'd come so close to making a big scene and though she'd tried to avoid that, maybe she wasn't even successful on that front.

One of the worst things was that he probably wasn't even wrong. There were no shortage of others who likely wanted or needed her help. Although Nepione knew very well it just wasn't possible to please everyone, there was still something inside of her that insisted she try. But at a point, those she travelled with... didn't they have to come first? But even if she had prioritised Astarion's plight, she doubted she could have found an immediate answer for him.

At first she thought to say nothing at all and simply to let him have his way, but she also knew what would happen if she did. She'd simply avoid him and who knew if she'd ever let herself converse with him again. And that would wind up obvious. So instead, she cleared her throat, folding her hands together.]

Let me come with you.

[pale_elf]

[He was born to lie, this moment was no exception even if for a moment the façade cracked under his fear and stress. This journey was... making him lose control over himself, he didn't need to be so true around his target, yet this all- he struggled to understand what was happening to him and the only explanation he had was that his fears were catching up to him. He could talk gods, sex, flirt and many other things, but exposing his feelings raw was not... something he was able to do often.

And not something he wanted to do.

Despite his words, him and Nepione had nothing going on between them. She wasn't... special or anything and he had to remind himself that she was just kind with everyone. Shit, probably that whole courtship thing had been a terrible idea, yet when he got up, stealing a lute from against the wall and moving outside- well, he found himself unable to tell her to stay behind, to leave him alone. He merely headed outside, away from all the people and walked toward one of the few parts that didn't make his stomach churn in hunger.

So many people, but at least by the river they had a place where to stay. There were corpses, consumed by the curse, he could smell them... but rotting corpses only reminded him of how Cazador fed him rats that had been dead for days and that was better than the alternative. He spared but a glance to the balcony of the inn where light was gathering for some reason, whoever was up there was definitely keeping the place protected, but right now he didn't feel like taking any further step in their journey.

He scouted, he helped, he did his best in order to be accepted and protected, but for the moment the party could just mmanage on its own for a while. He ungracefully sat down on a slightly elevated rock, crossed his legs and merely started plucking some strings without a word.]

[divinestrike]

[Ah. That went well.

Astarion neither invited her nor told her to sod off, which made it difficult to know what to do. So for the moments that he took to his departure, all she did was let him. He could, at the very least, benefit from some moments to himself. She could afford to give him that.

In the interim, she had long enough to do what damage control she thought was necessary, though it was difficult to do so whilst trying to respect Astarion's secrecy. In the end, all she told their immediate companions was that Astarion needed space and respect. And to let him have it.

Beyond that, she took into mind what he'd told her about Mol, and various other things she'd overheard. It wasn't ten or twelve requests that she thought would be made of her. A handful at best, though most of them seemed to centre around the same thing—missing and imprisoned tieflings. And there was no way she could just stay out of that. There was also the nature of Mol, Rolan, a sleeping man singing a song in his dreams that seemed just alarming enough that Nepione realised she would need to inform Halsin relatively quickly.

She would need time and a night, at least, to map out routes to best cover the grounds of the region. It likely wasn't going to be happening on this night, however, when she thought of Astarion.

...

Deciding she'd given him enough time, she gave only the bare minimum of information to the others who travelled with them—that she would be outside. And she didn't suspect she'd wind up interrupted. There wasn't much she thought could happen here.

It was only by being thorough that she was able to find Astarion, idly picking at the strings of a lute. A lute she was certain looked familiar, at that, no doubt something he'd masterfully pilfered. She'd not even known he could play. But she'd never even asked. In fact, she'd always tried to ask little about him, given he seemed so invested on closing himself off.

For several long, weighted moments, she said nothing after pausing in her approach. Better to let him have his space. If he didn't want her to stay, she'd leave outright. She didn't plan to stay for an extended period either, but...]

I'm sorry.

[It was as much a genuine beginning as she could be. Although he deserved more and as she hesitated for a moment, she felt more like a child who'd been scolded by her parents for doing something dangerous and foolish.]

I... didn't realise how much this was affecting you. I knew that it was. I knew it was something you wanted. No. Needed. It's something you need. Your continued survival depends on it. I knew that, and even then...

[She didn't know how else to address that. There wasn't an excuse.]

You're important to me. What you want is also important to me. It's probably easy to look at how I am and just assume I feel the same way about everything and everyone around me. It isn't. I... don't have the answers to everything and I hate that. I want more than anything to be able to fix everything as conveniently as... as Raphael can. And I can't. But it doesn't mean I won't do everything in my power to take you where you feel you need to go, need to be. I'll still be at your side through all of it. I'll still give up whatever I have to, for you to obtain your freedom. There isn't anything I wouldn't do for you if it was necessary.

[The same went for their immediate companions that they made camp with on the daily, but given the conversation wasn't about them, she chose to focus on Astarion specifically.]

[pale_elf]

[He let her approach in silence, not shooing her away, nor welcoming her. His fingers were still playing the notes of a tune that for decades managed to live in his mind- a song of his childhood perhaps? Was it something a person dedicated to him? Hard to tell when he just felt... old in so many ways. Her words reached him as the notes were picking up for a strangely appropriate verse. I can't go yet, Don't let me die, I want to live, My only one. The notes died and left them in silence.

This was... strange. Her words should have made him happy, he got her to be so invested in his cause, her words were so honest and he knew she was being sincere, but at the same time something felt wrong and he hated not being just able to focus on the little victories he got instead of this strange feeling of... of... guilt? Last time he could remember a similar feeling in the depth of his stomach was so way back, almost in his youth, when he lured a most beautiful man to his master. The fleeting memory of Sebastian was pushed violently to the side, even if it dared to resurface just for a second, and Astarion refused to acknowledge it. He was not going to get sentimental.

This... thing, this guilt, was probably a product of his stress and nerves breaking down. Or it was his instinct telling him that being rude, cold with her, that pushing her away or hurting her- it had to be the wrong choice to make.

Astarion took his time to process her words before putting down the instrument, his fingers strangely stiff and his body lacking the usual grace as he turned to sit in her direction with his legs still crossed. Shit, he didn't even know what to say, any sentence he tried to elaborate to be smooth and elegant just died on his lips.]

You have nothing to apologize about. [That was awfully... honest of his. And it took him the longest time, at least from his point of view, to be able to continue.]

You... you are very important to me. This is why I can't ask you to get involved. There's no safety wiith Cazador, no way to escape him or hide. Once I am back in Baldur's Gate it's... I will have to be even more careful once I get to the city. Literally any shadow may hide a sibling of mine or a minion from my former master and- I'm afraid. [Was this for pity points? Was this sincere? He wasn't going to question himself too much right now, he both needed to be effective AND protect his target from the storm of feelings in his chest.] Informations. That's what I'm buying from Raphael.

[divinestrike]

[She dared not move from where she stood, instead folding her hands together, watching him put aside lines to a song that she didn't know. But then, for her to have recognised much music would have required her to be somewhat familiar with it, which... she certainly wasn't. When he turned, she couldn't exactly say why, but for just those brief moments, a small wave of fear fell over her.

On some level, perhaps she was afraid of him. Perhaps on the same level, she was afraid of all of them. And she suspected it was because if she was so honest, so vulnerable as she was in the moment, it could be used against her. A smart person would have used it against her. And Astarion was more than smart. Never before had she been so certain that he was using her.

As such, it wasn't fluster she felt when he described her as 'very important.' She was as important to him as she was to the others in their camp with the same affliction. And when all was said and done, what would happen to that importance? She wouldn't have it. And what did people usually do with those whose importance ran out? Well. She didn't need to ask because she already knew the answer.

Beyond that, what she didn't tell him was that she'd never expected to see the end of their journey. She expected to see as much as was necessary for her to.]

Of all the things for you to be concerned about... I'm not one of them. [She shook her head at him, loosing a breath.] Nothing from Raphael is free, Astarion. You understand that he will take from you until you have nothing left. Until you are nothing. You asked him for information, but knowing the price, you should have simply asked him to handle everything. At least if you intend to sacrifice everything you are, everything you have, get something more practical out of it than information.

[Nepione shook her head slowly.]

You are worth more than whatever information he may have that you think will help.

[pale_elf]

Of course you're one of them!

[The way he snapped in her direction, raising his voice and sounding offended by the simple suggestion, surprised him. He needed control, he needed to hold back things, he had to keep his plan together because by the gods he had meat shields and they could buy them time and he refused to listen to the stupid little voice that told him his group was the first group of friends he had in almost two centuries. Screw them, screw everyone, screw everything.

Even if his body had no pulse nor life, it still reacted to his emotions more than he wanted, like he couldn't hold back his screams when Cazador tortured him. His hands were shaking, even if he hide them under his shoulders by crossing his arms, his unnecessary breath was irregular and fast the few times he found himself inhaling. She was his shield, his only real 'bond' in the camp from what he could see, and all the good work he put to land in her graces- he was squandering his own efforts but because he felt... emotional.

His former master still had a hold on him, no matter how distant he was, and now it was more clear than ever, especially because instead of working on getting things better, adjusting what had to be done, he couldn't help his next words.]

Do you think I don't know how devil works? I laughed at Wyll's stupidity when I heard of his fucking pact and yet here I am because it's still better- [He moved one hand up, pointing toward the inn like he was trying to prove a point. Raphael was there, so that... made sense, right?] It's still better than anything I could go back to. The only reason I have any vague idea of what I look like is because he ripped my face from me and wore it himself, laughing, this is the person we're traveling toward to.

[It took him to realize his arm was slightly shaking as well to snap it back against his body, hiding his hand once more.]

If he was to find out that I care about someone, if he was to find out that you helped me, gods only knows what he would do to you. And since they do shit for us mortals, and I would know since I tried them all, they wouldn't even bother to inform you that bastard is approaching and that you should run.

[divinestrike]

[She said and did nothing for several moments after his short-lived outburst. Of course she was one of them? What a strange thing to say, she thought. What a strange thing to hear. She almost would have preferred not hearing it, honestly. It was fine for her to care about him, to care about any of the others, but the moment they even played with the possibility otherwise, she suddenly had to care about her own well-being. For their sake.

Loosing a sigh, quiet and thoughtful, it dawned on her that if he knew so well, laughed at Wyll's misfortune, found humour in it, why in the hells would he do something so similar? And the only answer she had was desperation. Desperate times called for desperate measures. If what he said held any truth in it at all, it would be a convincing reason for him to put himself at risk.

As she took him in, the same feeling she had any other time she got herself involved in something she was certain she didn't belong in began to well up. She never was able to separate herself from the things she did, it seemed. Always driven by her heart, fool thing that it was. She finally began to move, to close the distance between them and when she was close enough to touch him, she hesitated. To do so uninvited would have been a poor choice on her part. So instead, she offered him her hands, both to show that she had nothing, that she was nothing other than the cleric who stood in front of where he sat, and to show that he was still very much the one in control of his own decisions and what he was and was not willing to allow or accept.]

Well, where Raphael's concerned, we'll just have to find a way to out-think him. I'm not sure how yet, but where there's a will, there's a way. And when it comes to Cazador... I'm not afraid. I've made it this far. So instead of working against me, work alongside me. I'm stronger with you there, you know. You play as much as role as the others do. I wouldn't be here now if it weren't for any of you.

[pale_elf]

[This was exactly the kind of declaration he needed to hear from her, from everyone in the group, so why couldn't he shake the sense of dread that overcame him just at the thought of taking any further action or saying another word from there. He felt paralyzed and that terrified him because if that was his reaction not even in front of that bastard, what was going to happen once he was near that mansion again? Or in front of him?]

You should be afraid! You don't even know what he'd do to you. Or what he'd make me do to you.

[He didn't take the hand, he found his body resisting every attempt to move no matter what he tried to do. The vampire bit his lips, his eyes darting over the darkness of the river and he found himself lost into it for a moment as he fought to regain control of himself.] He would turn you, to make you last. And then he'd have me do horrible things, like- ripping your pretty eyes out over and over, every day, and collect them. Maybe even putting them in a jar in the quarters all us spawns share, just to remind you your place. [And that would be nothing, Astarion had his body defiled in every possible way, either through torture or abused, for decades, Cazador'd even be more cruel with someone who helped his toy run for so long. He didn't understand himself, he needed people to stand between him and his master and he had known Nepione for such a short time she couldn't really matter to him but-] You cannot- you will not become my new sister in pain.

[Somehow, that thought was unbearable. It had to be only because it implied he was going to fall under his master once more, if there was more he was forcing his mind to ignore it, not to read too deeply into the most confusing feelings he had in quite some time. It took him a moment too long to realize he was breathing hard and deep, not something his body required but still one of those remaining reactions that reminded him he was once alive.

Crimson eyes closed for a long moment as he leveled his own bodily functions, his entire undead system going from what was almost a pre-panic attack state, something he would never acknowledge, to a stillness that was innatural as the vampire himself.It was only when he regained control that he reached with his hand forward, just touching one of the two that had been offered to him.

Not completely open, no, the other arm was still sealed in a defensive posture. But it was a step forward, even if he didn't realize it.]

That... thing you saw on my back. I need to know what it means, why it was made and why Cazador was obsessed with it. He called it a love poem, he called me his gem, but I remember enough of his scalpels and how they dug in my flesh to know it's an infernal something. I know it's just not a fancy poem, I'm not stupid, and if this gives that son of a bitch any leverage on me I must know it before approaching his place.

[divinestrike]

[She had never considered what it might have been like to be turned. The possibility had simply never occurred to her. The only vampire spawn she'd known was Astarion, and to her understanding, only an actual vampire could do the turning. Had she never met current company, she likely never would have found herself in Cazador's presence. Suffice it to say that when it came to vampirism, she had been blissfully ignorant.

Tilting her head as she listened to him rattle off all of the possibilities, her greater concern was him. How everything had affected him. For a man who was ordinarily so calm, so collected (even if only on the outside), she wondered what it was that had finally set him off. The lack of food, perhaps? The bleak and empty feeling of the Shadow-Curse about them. They were protected at present, but they couldn't simply stay at the Last Light forever.

...Maybe it would be better to encourage him to stay behind. Just another effort to protect him. But if Raphael showed up to collect, she wanted to be there. She needed to be the one standing between the two of them. Surely she could appeal to the devil on Astarion's behalf, though Astarion was certain to hate that.

Her attention turned back onto the present when she felt the touch of his one hand, as cold as the rest of him, she thought. Had he ever felt warmth? Did he remember what it felt like at all? Was he incapable of it, as he was of breath, of the enjoyment of real food, of the beat of a heart? With a great deal of care, she took his hand between both of her own, protected it. Coveted it. Treated him with all of the gentleness that she would have for something precious.]

The— [Oh. He meant the amalgamation of scars. Yes. She'd... remembered them. She had remembered some words from them, she thought, as well. For some moments, she tried to recollect what she'd been able to pick out. It'd been difficult with the gash that he'd endured, but—]

Hm... non iurare per igneu.

[And at first, it sounded like some random collection of words, but when she said them, it was evident there was familiarity. She had not made a habit of speaking infernal in his presence or anyone else who wasn't a tiefling. Her people were already so disliked. There was no reason to add onto it.]

There were some other parts, as well. I remember thinking it would have been easier to understand without all of the stitching at the time. It didn't read like a poem to me, though. More like... a decree?

[pale_elf]

[Hell. Turning was hell. It wasn't a smooth process where one would fall asleep and wake up reborn, no, it was a slow process of dying in pain while the body cracked and hurt and warped with no chances of fighting it. And that was not even the worst part of it, that was the beginning. What did it set him off? Fear. For the rest of them there still was a tower to deal with before considering to move toward Baldur's Gate, a curse to break, souls to save and if what he heard was correct people to free from the tower. From his point of you there was only that between and going back where his master could find him again.

He was going to be within reach so soon and he was not marching back with an army at his heels, all he had was a bunch of grateful tieflings, a single druid from the groove that MAYBE wasn't going to turn against the unnatural undead of the group. He lacked... resources, everything, and Raphael only dug deeper into his insecurities. He laughed about his situation, told him that he was fucked anyway, taunted him taking advantage of the fact they were away from anyone else... and all Astarion could do was reaching for the Devil's hand and shake it in the end. It was scary, humiliating, it was everything- and he had nothing else.

And she was going to die, one way or another. Once again he pushed back any thought that brought him back to a certain victim he took in at some point, processing his thoughts fast enough not to be hit by them and locking them away without acknowledging them. He didn't know to know he was rememebring a certain someone who died long ago, he didn't want to know what he implied considering it was her company that brought back that bittersweet sensation and the only way he could survive this was completely. ignoring. everything.

He still kept his hands between hers, unable to let go.]

Yes, that.

[Her next words shook him to the core. He gasped, realizing she could... read them? Of coure, tieflings knew infernal, but that was supposed to be some kind of incredibly old infernal and tieflings didn't live much longer than humans, who even knew how the language changed since then? Oh, but then again devils of all kinds were using it so perhaps- his movement was almost abrupt as he pushed back, his hands almost immediately went to the leather straps and belts keeping his armor together. Not once in two hundred years he managed to undress as fast as he did in that moment, but it was a matter of seconds before his dark leather armor was on the floor, almost immediately followed by his eccentric white and patched shirt and an undershirt that he wore to insulate himself from the outside world a bit more and keep the heat in whenever he was lucky to absorb enough heat from the outside.

No scenes, no big acts, he just turned to offer her full view of his back and tried to reach it with the tip of his fingers, barely managing to touch some points of it.]

What. What does it say, then?

[divinestrike]

[What had followed was so swift that she was, in all manners of ways, rather unprepared for it. But when she played catch up and found him offering her his back, it made sense. Infernal had a variety of... She might have referred to them as dialects, though she couldn't claim to be a professional in it by any means. She knew what she could only consider the most basic, which was a great deal why she couldn't determine the whole thing. In her opinion, she'd only been able to grasp certain things here and there.

Hesitating for several moments, she decided it was better to be straight forward with him than feed him any kind of false hope.]

It's important that you understand I won't be able to read it all, but I'll share with you what I can.

[Drawing in a breath as she neared him, she reached up and with the pad of her finger, very painstaking and careful, she traced along the markings, as if she might better commit them to memory. To her, it felt so disjointed. Like it didn't make sense. But when she got to the line she remembered, or partial, as it was incomplete from what she could read, she slowed down and deliberately followed the writing, so he would know what part she was reading.]

This part is the one that says non iurare per igneu. That's... Well. 'Per igneu' pertains to fire. Flame. Like saying 'by way of fire.' 'In fire.' 'By fire.' It's contextual. I can't read the whole thing, so I can only put together some pieces here and there. But the way it's written doesn't sound like any kind of poetry I've ever read, so I hesitate to call it a poem.

[Loosing a sigh, she followed along the rest, tilting her head and still using her touch to navigate, careful to pause where she needed to and to think. It was different to do so when she wasn't pulling his skin back together.]

Mmm. This one. This one is a little easier. Eoai mundo muoat. Sort of. It's referencing... maybe death in the world? A world of death? I don't really understand the context of it. I suspect there's a few lines here, and in a certain order they might make more sense, but I'm afraid I don't know enough to put all of that together for you. But it definitely isn't what I would consider a poem. It sounds more like... an invocation? An incantation? Like... like something meant for unsealing something else.

[After a pause, she continued.]

The others, do they have scars like these? If so, I imagine theirs may say something else. You could probably put them all together and understand the full context, but...

[But something told her that would be a terrible idea. If she was right and it was an incantation, it probably wasn't for anything good.]

I feel like we need to stop that from happening.

[pale_elf]

[This was possibly the most important thing he could get from anyone at the moment and the simple idea of not dealing with a devil for any translation? Oh, he could have kissed Nepione if he got answers and he didn't have to listen to Raphael any longer, the bastard made it clear that something was... wrong with whatever he had on his back and Wyll's patron, when asked, refused to get involved. His shoulders fall just slightly when she mentions she can't read it all, it's not what he hoped but anything is still better than nothing at all.]

Okay...

[That's all he said, instinctively arching his back as soon as her fingers touched its delicate skin. Even when he took lovers, even when he was used, he hated feeling anything over there- and this was so different from the familiar pain, even from the more basic stitching of a wound, that he could hardly detatch his mind from it. Her fingers were so delicate... no matter how aware of her claws he was, he felt something mixed with his anxiety and decided completely to focus on her words instead.

Shit, he wished the fucker didn't straight up prohibit him from learning entire languages. The one on his doors, the runes his siblings had, everything. It wasn't surprising the 'love poem' wasn't as romantic ad he had been told, but more she read of it the less confident he felt about this whole situation. An incantation, an invocation, something... the vampite crossed his legs once more, placed his elbows on the knees and rested his head behind his hands.]

If I was some kind of... potion part? That would hardly surprise me considering how many parts of this body he took over time. But you make it sound like I'm some kind of... key? For something? It would explain how he stubbornly kept me to his side unless I was allowed to go outside to hunt for him.

[He nodded in her direction.] They have something, but it's much smaller. A rune here or there, but we weren't allowed to read them nor to learn the language. [A small pause] I was his favorite, you know?

[And it couldn't mean anything good for him. If for some reason Cazador really liked him, in his perverse and horrible way, then there was a fat chance he was going to put the incantation to use just to punish him for running away. He swallowed by instinct before reaching for his shirt and tossing it back on.]

which means I really need Raphael's help.

[divinestrike]

[She didn't know what he was or what part he played in the whole thing, but it certainly sounded larger than just him. Especially when he admitted that he was the favourite. Nothing about that sounded like a positive thing. No wonder Cazador had been so intent to chase him down. She thought back to the Gur that they had encountered in the swamp of the hag's cosy abode. That had only been one man. If Cazador wanted Astarion back so intensely, and of course he did, then it would mean they would only face more.

Astarion had ever reason to experience fear.

At least she could say, despite all of the bigoted treatment thrown in her direction, at least she wasn't being hunted down. At least, not to her knowledge. And if she ever was, she would have preferred to be left in the dark over it. Living every day, never certain if she was safe at night, that wasn't living at all. Astarion, despite not being under the clutches of the vampire who'd turned him, was no more free with her than he had been when he was tortured and tormented.

She shook her head slowly as he pulled his shirt back on, thinking to Raphael yet again. Yes. He'd probably know. Tiefling blood wasn't so far removed from that of devils, which was likely in part why her people faced the prejudices that they had. Raphael was simply... more like a more complete version of herself. A better one, he probably would have argued.]

When he next shows, I want you to let me speak with him. I can't just let you hand yourself over and I'm not willing to let that happen, regardless of how displeased you might be to hear me say as much. That isn't a request.

[pale_elf]

[He took longer putting on his armor once more, mostly because he didn't feel any urgency to do so. The marks on his back weighted more than before but he had to push them to the side if he wanted to be productive in any way and... ha had enough time to panic. Somehow something in this whole process made him feel a bit calmer, even if it made no goddamn sense, and he had the confirmation that talking to Raphael had been the right thing to do, no matter how upsetting the entire thing had been.

He listened, nodded and finished to put everything back in place, his eyes wandering toward the darkness outside once more. What was he even supposed to do? He definitely got the cleric by his side, this was good and the plan all along, but he still felt... lost? He had other things to say, other questions, but his senses alerted him that at least one person was now watching the scene, so he had to compose himself. Was it Karlach who questioned where they went? Was is another member of their group? He didn't even care, he still needed time alone. Or with her, for reasons he didn't understand, but he knew she had others who needed her.]

I'll stick around and alert you if he shows up. For now all I can do is wait. [A deep, deep breath. There was no fresh blood at all in his body to even give the illusion of oxygenation and bring some color to his skin, but he still needed it. The man pushed himself back on his feet, turning toward her and owning his mask once more. A smile, a pose slightly to the side, his tone of voice going back to the sarcastic and amused self he always was...] Love, I think they're waiting for you. Must be our barbarian. I think I felt that blacksmith's smell when I arrived here. Donnel, Dinnel, Dinner... you know, I think the lovely duo is waiting to hear where we put the infernal iron.

I will be fine. I'm just finishing to play my lute and nothing. Is. wrong. Now go. I take the blood offer very thankfully but I'm not hungry and I'm sure I spotted spme juicy goblins not too far from the entrance. Also got to smell a drow. And spiders. Kind of weird if you ask me. I'll go hunting as soon as I am done looking cool by the water.

[Maybe he was wrong, maybe he was paranoid, but if anyone was actually there they had to hear his voice for that part. What followed, on the other hand, was barely a whisper.]

For what it's worth.. thank you.

[divinestrike]

[...For all she wanted to believe him, Nepione suspected he wasn't going to tell her a thing. Which meant probably trying to track down Raphael herself. She hated that idea, too. If she went out of her way to find him, especially on Astarion's behalf, well... That simply spelt out a whole variety of implications that it seemed better to keep out of the heads of others. Although she was tempted to pressure him, even just a little more, she conceded. That he had said as much as he had was more than she had deserved. It would only anger him all over again if she did. He was a little closer to where he wanted to be, even if she hadn't been able to more properly address things on his behalf.

...Surely a little closer was better than not close at all. Or not. Astarion so much seemed like an all or nothing man.

When he made mention of Karlach, she found herself looking around, only partially correcting him when he was making mention of infernal iron. Ah. He meant the blacksmith.]

Dammon.

[She said quietly before lifting her arms above her head in an elongated stretch. Sure seemed like her work was never done. Good thing she was content to run herself ragged. Again and again and again. How long she could keep that up for, she hardly knew. But if Astarion had tolerated her as long as he was able, there was no sense in stirring him up any further.

Instead of addressing things any further, prying into him, nagging him, scolding him, or anything else, however, she simply looked at him when she heard the very quiet, almost imperceptible words that followed. And those ones seemed real. Pausing for some moments, as though she wasn't sure what to do with them, she shook her head.]

It's nothing. I'd best go. If you need anything, let us know. I'm going to make the rounds, check with Karlach and Dammon, take care of what I need to, and map out a route for us for when we leave. I should be prepared to present it tomorrow at some point. We'd best not get comfortable at Last Light.

[pale_elf]

[Probably not, no. At least he told himself thaat it was the best way to handle things- after all if he was away from the others when Raphael decided to show his ugly face it wasn't like he could run back to the team just to have Nepione at his side. The others were going to find this... interesting for sure. Astarion going from being a flirt in front of everyone (and with everyone) to him keeping his distance and the chaste cleric being the one keeping an eye on him- and possibly being the only one who knew what was going on. He as more than glad the conversation dropped, at least.

He had already exposed himself far too much for little to no return and- he didn't need her to show anything more of his real self, whatever that was, to someone who was objectively just part of his survival plan. He raised one hand, gently waving it and not even looking at the woman.]

Yeah, him, Dennis, he probably got good news for his flamey girlfriend or something. Go get happy news for yourself too.

[They had so much infernal iron now, between what they got at the goblin camp, what they got in the blighted village and- everything. The Tiefling deserved to get a chance to get laid or something, he tried to make that comment and it just died on his lips because apparently his brain was against being crass just for the moment. He... needed to reset himself, get ready once more for his travels and things and... something!

He huffed, reaching for his bag and taking a torch out. He was going to do something, maybe look for anything he could bite into and- he didn't even know.]

I'm going to scout the area and put down some kind of map. I know the area shifts and changes but it'll be better than nothing. You try not to have every single person in this camp rely on you for something, mh? We have plenty of problems as it is.