Closed to @divinestrike
Dec. 22nd, 2022 03:26 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
pale_elf[Saying things kept going worse and worse for the little merry team was the understatement of the century. From trying to kill an undead and immortal enemy to finding out there were three madmen behind their little predicament, to realizing they were the chosen of the three Dead Ones and then even adding an Elder Brain to the mix. Astarion's anxiety did skyrocket pretty hard, especially after exploring the entirety of the Mind Flayer colony and seeing how so many people turned. How few of them were there to be saved. The only good thing they got from that god forsaken place was Us, the disgusting little creature the vampire often summoned just to annoy the others.
Us was... there, at least. And it kept his hands busy when he found himself fidgety or too nervous, the other two pups were too large to be picked up after all and he needed to have hs hands busy. They were all marching toward Baldur's Gate, the spawn being as distant from everyone as he could be. Him and Gale teamed up at some point to mark down the most important places they had to check once they arrived in the city. Needless to say, the vampire also made sure to mention every single possible brothel until Karlach put him into a headlock everything devolved into chaos. Overall, everyone was trying to keep the camp's spirit up, even Lae'Zel with her motivational speeches (?) that were more intimidatory than anything.
At least ONE of them was sure she was going to kill the Elder brain for her people, huh?
It was when Baldur's Gate was at the Horion that things shifted in an even worse direction for Astarion. He spotted a familiar figure in the distance while waiting for Withers to let him know if he could privately get some hirelings for self defense and he knew it was time. He excused himself saying he needed something to eat and it was easier to find it before reaching the city, reached Raphael and finally managed to find out what the deal with his scars was.
He had to stop on his way back to the camp to deal with a rising panic attack he could barely hold back, and then stood in front of the fire for hours, probably, while everyone proceeded to settle down. The more he repeated the Devil's information in his mind, the more he knew he was doomed. It was surprising that it was Halsin who asked him if he needed to talk after placing a hand upon his shoulder, but he shook his head and merely glanced around the area. 'She's up on the walls' the druid said, not realizing Astarion was merely weightning his chances to survive if Cazador's spawns and thralls decided to attack. If his master decided to attack and claim him back. None.
He still thanked the fellow elf with a small nod, getting up on his feet and allowing them to follow their path up to the Tiefling. She was so beautiful with her skin kissed by the day's last lights, but he couldn't even stop to appreciate that as he considered how to break the silence he fell into right after discovering the truth. In the end, he decided that there was no sweet way around his issues and a direct approach was needed.]
I will be leaving the group before dawn.
Us was... there, at least. And it kept his hands busy when he found himself fidgety or too nervous, the other two pups were too large to be picked up after all and he needed to have hs hands busy. They were all marching toward Baldur's Gate, the spawn being as distant from everyone as he could be. Him and Gale teamed up at some point to mark down the most important places they had to check once they arrived in the city. Needless to say, the vampire also made sure to mention every single possible brothel until Karlach put him into a headlock everything devolved into chaos. Overall, everyone was trying to keep the camp's spirit up, even Lae'Zel with her motivational speeches (?) that were more intimidatory than anything.
At least ONE of them was sure she was going to kill the Elder brain for her people, huh?
It was when Baldur's Gate was at the Horion that things shifted in an even worse direction for Astarion. He spotted a familiar figure in the distance while waiting for Withers to let him know if he could privately get some hirelings for self defense and he knew it was time. He excused himself saying he needed something to eat and it was easier to find it before reaching the city, reached Raphael and finally managed to find out what the deal with his scars was.
He had to stop on his way back to the camp to deal with a rising panic attack he could barely hold back, and then stood in front of the fire for hours, probably, while everyone proceeded to settle down. The more he repeated the Devil's information in his mind, the more he knew he was doomed. It was surprising that it was Halsin who asked him if he needed to talk after placing a hand upon his shoulder, but he shook his head and merely glanced around the area. 'She's up on the walls' the druid said, not realizing Astarion was merely weightning his chances to survive if Cazador's spawns and thralls decided to attack. If his master decided to attack and claim him back. None.
He still thanked the fellow elf with a small nod, getting up on his feet and allowing them to follow their path up to the Tiefling. She was so beautiful with her skin kissed by the day's last lights, but he couldn't even stop to appreciate that as he considered how to break the silence he fell into right after discovering the truth. In the end, he decided that there was no sweet way around his issues and a direct approach was needed.]
I will be leaving the group before dawn.
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Date: 2023-12-22 03:06 pm (UTC)If she were a goddess, she would have broken all of the rules, she was most certain.
The tiefling appreciated that the others seemed to be in relative control. That they found themselves perhaps bolstered by the return to what was familiar to them. She couldn't say she felt any sense of relief. It was true that Baldur's Gate had been, for a time, something like a home. Sort of. It was a place in which she had lived. But when she left it, she had not considered going back.
As she stood high up on the walls, leaned against cold masonry and stone, she simply stared out into the distance of the city's grandeur. So many would have been thrilled with the sight. She felt... conflicted. That was one way of putting it. Dark hair fell from the way she had it still drawn up, ever trying to keep Astarion's advice in mind. Ever imperfect, as was the rest of her.
Leaning onto her arms, she could have stared at it forever, watching the way the sun was inclined to sink elsewhere. Simply wondering how many days she had left. Wondering if she would be able to, indeed, carry the rest to something like victory. She'd made it so far, hadn't she? In the face of what felt like impossible odds. And what if she couldn't? What if she turned? What if she... Well.
Dying wasn't an if. It was a when.
She heard his footsteps before she ever heard his voice, though it wasn't until he spoke that she turned to look over to him. The furrow in her brow gave her away.]
What are you talking about? [She began, lifting a hand to subconsciously fix the way her garb sat on her, soft leathers and cotton lace. Something more befitting their arrival into a place she had once been a part of.] Leaving for where exactly?
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Date: 2023-12-22 03:17 pm (UTC)Well, that's the point, I'm leaving the group. It's kind of part of the deal I try to be all secretive and mysterious, but I needed someone to know not to wait for me. I'm... not packing much. Most of my stuff will stay behind.
[He raised one hand, passing it between the short, wavy hair and trying to contain his fear. His facade was going to serve him well, but he could at least let her know it wasn't a personal reason.]
Our Raphael paid me a visit. Told me about my scars. I'm as good as dead... but I'd rather choose myself a way out instead of letting Cazador win one last time. So... I'm leaving! [He waved toward the road they left behind, a smile on his face even if it was no more than a mask.] Back to the road, possibly to hold a last stand against the incoming army of monsters.
Never thought I'd go down as a hero.
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Date: 2023-12-22 03:37 pm (UTC)Of course it was Raphael. Again. The next time she saw that... that devil, she was going to wrap her pretty little cleric hands around his neck and— No. No, no, no. That was just a death sentence for them all. If she could at least choose how she was going to go, it was going to be with a bit more dignity than that. Hopefully.]
So that's it? You're just going to give up? Just like that?
[It didn't align with what she knew of him. If he was serious, then... then she supposed she couldn't exactly change his mind, but at the very least, he had to give a very compelling reason as to why.]
I don't believe that for a moment. You didn't fight for months to get here now just to surrender. You didn't fight for years, for centuries even, wanting something more, wanting something better, wanting what you deserve, just to give up. I won't tolerate that. For as long as I've known you, I've known one thing with absolute certainty.
[Straightening her posture, she began to approach him, though concerned she would send him sprinting in the opposite direction, she hesitated and abruptly paused shortly after.]
You are an obsessive, over-the-top, self-interested, self-indulgent, protective man, bound by chains you never asked for, sentenced to no shortage of torment, hunted down for seeking what anyone else would want, and you want me to believe that you're just going to march into maw without a second thought. And since we both know you've no army to take on Cazador, you're not intending to come out of it alive. So you're willing to just throw everything away that you've been clinging onto for years.
[Nepione shook her head at him.]
Don't lie to me. Not about this. You can lie to me about everything else, but not this. I deserve more respect than that. I've protected you and put my life before yours plenty of times and I would do so a thousand and more times over with no regrets. I— [Love you.] —have vowed to stay at your side and support you. I have accepted every kind and cruel thing you have put in my vicinity, every moment's mockery, every gentle touch, every stupid excuse you've given me to hide behind your walls. The least you can do is be bloody honest with me.
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Date: 2023-12-22 04:16 pm (UTC)[He opened his arms, stepping forward to face her. She didn't need to know how deep his fears were, nor that this was probably his most selfless choice in a long, long while. It was good if she considered him self interested, self indulgent and all those things, there was no point in sharing his actual reasons, the risk was that she would have been able to understand him or, even worse, convince herself it was okay to throw herself on the line for him. Astarion wanted to live, he wanted to feel like he belonged to a group, he wanted to be safe- but when he tried to justify those needs he also heard a voice telling him 'do it for her'. If she wanted to be antagonized, he was fully going to welcome that.
The spawn stepped forward, crossing his arms like he always did when he got overly defensive with her.]
I always thought there was a hope! At first, I thought a god would hear my pleas. Then I hoped some Wyll-like Hero would find me and swoop me between their arms and take me away from the palace. Even when I realized that was not how the world works if you are a vampire I still tried to believe I had a chance. Maybe not to be a vampire anymore! You have no idea of how many wizards I bed just in the hope they had a wish scroll in their bag. Stupid, I know, but they talked big and desperation makes you an idiot. The Nautiloud, this tadpole, has been the first good thing in centuries and I actually dared to hope again. Guess what, I was wrong.
I've been a coin in Cazador's purse the entire time. I had a literal part of a larger contract on my back the entire time and I am not giving him a chance to collect me and finish the payment. Raphael didn't want to tell me what it meant 'preparations are complete' but bloody hells it looks like I was taken right before being sacrificed. My soul for more power for my master, a fair exchange, woudln't you agree? Me and my six siblings are nothing more than a snack for Mephistophiles.
[He straightened his back. He had to be distant and rude.]
I am not running toward him. I'm running away from him. Without me, he will be unable to fulfill his contract and that's still a better death than what awaits me in Baldur's Gate. I never deserved any of this! I wasn't a corrupt magistrate and the fucking Gur murdered me over a damn real estate dispute, they left me bloodied to be consumed by Cazador and turned. I was handed the shittiest hand I could ask for and I played it anyway as long as I could.
[She was right, she had been far too kind with him, and he couldn't even be honest, nor hide his fear or rage. He had to choose between dying between his master's hand or under the Absolute's march. Choosing had never been simpler.]
You're right on one thing: I don't have an army. Cazador however does. I'm not putting you in front of me as a shield when I know it will barely work to buy me some time.
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Date: 2023-12-22 04:36 pm (UTC)She needed to know what it was that set him off this time. Besides Raphael. They'd had their guesses on what his back said. Of course, at the time she'd translated for him, it was only conjecture. And it was true that if he was part of something larger, it was a very dangerous thing to bring everyone together. They knew that. And at the time, he'd not wanted her involved then either.
But she had braved a Githyanki creche, the Gauntlet of Shar, the Shadow-Curse, burning buildings, an Illithid colony. What was to stop her from going against Cazador? She had stood against Myrkul, the God of Death, and lived to tell the tale. Was she going to let a vampire lord stop her?
No. Of course not.]
And what do you suppose will happen when you no longer have the protection of the artefact? You will turn and become a thrall for that thing we saw down there. Is that the life you want to live? Do you think that's worth it? I didn't fight this hard, this far, to let you just throw it all away. It's fine if you don't want to come into the city. I won't force that on you. You can stay behind with some of the others if that appeals to you, but like hells am I just going to let you walk away. If you can't face Cazador, I can.
[Lifting a hand, she splayed her fingertips right over where her heart thumped. Somehow, Astarion was always so good at making her feel so very alive. Whether she was angry or stirred by him towards other passionate pursuits, somehow he always made that happen.]
I am still not afraid to do what is necessary, to do what I think is right. I won't hold you to the same expectation, but wherever you're running to, it's not going to stop me from doing what I have to. At a point, one has to stop running. One has to face adversity, even if it's fear. It's fine if you're afraid and it's fine if you feel that you can't fight. Because I will fight for the both of us.
[Because he was worth that, at the very least. Nepione might have been willing to fight for all of them and she had certainly proven it more than once. If she had to prove it one more time, she wasn't going to let anything stop her.]
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Date: 2023-12-22 05:18 pm (UTC)[There it was, the thing that set him off. He didn't plan to raise his voice with her, but there was a desperate urgency to make this point clear. He didn't pay attention to the few heads that raised in their direction from the camp, what the others were thinking was completely irrelevant this time. Astarion wasn't strong enough to see yet another person he loved fall to Cazador and that left him without options.
At least he did manage to lower his voice to more acceptable levels.]
He spent two hundred years preparing this. Two hundred years! Gods only know what is awaiting any intruder in his lair and if I'm going to die anyway then I'm going to do it on my own. I... appreciate your affection, I really do, but you can't help me with this. No one can. And I'm not risking my soul to the Nine Hells, too lawful for my tastes. Not that I will end in any do-gooder place anyway, my soul isn't exactly good or spotless. Guess comes with the job.
[His attempts at being 'funny' were pathetic and he knew that. Astarion glanced to the city behind Nepione, then back to her. She and the others were going to be heroes of Baldur's Gate, he could already see that, but that wasn't something he was going to be part of. She was going to have hopefully a good and long life, full of love and joy- the temptation of saying 'Let me do this for you' was there, but he managed to hold his words back.
His actions, however, not so much. Given permission, he'd find himself wrapped around her, his arms holding the woman with strength and desperation. If pushed away, he'd probably just stand there awkwardly and cross his arms once more.]
You will be fine, I promise. You and the other got this. And you will make allies, even more than the harpers and the tieflings, I know you're this kind of woman. I will think of you when my time comes.
I also promise I will take down one or two big bastards in the Absolute's army before going down, I'm not dying without a bang.
no subject
Date: 2023-12-22 05:36 pm (UTC)Could she guide Astarion? She didn't know for certain, but she had to at least try. Better to try and fail than not to try at all.
It seemed like he didn't understand that he couldn't stop others from experiencing free will. He could ask. He could request. But he couldn't make her do anything more than Halsin or someone else could have. Even her own parents couldn't have stopped her. But she suspected that saying it like that might only distress him a touch more. So instead, when she found that he took her into his arms, she endured the surprise and the immediately tension that flooded her.
Of all the things she'd expected, that hadn't been one of them. Unsure of even what to do to begin with, for a breath or two, she simply remained as she was, his arms that were stronger than she would have thought, bound about her, holding her steadily beating heart against him. And after some consideration, she lifted her arms to reciprocate in kind, softening only in slight, though the strength of her resolve remained.
She had already made her decision, with or without his blessing.]
I'm going to pretend I didn't hear all of this defeatist talk.
[The tiefling cleric began, thinking that embracing him in such a way was not... unpleasant. Once again, she felt safe. And it wasn't because the floor was giving way beneath them. A shame that it took so long to get to this point. Not particularly keen to set her gaze upon his, knowing she would be altogether too transparent, she settled for the next best thing. Pressing the tip of her nose into his neck, she nestled against him and her next words escaped her in a considerably quieter tone.]
The fallacy in your little plan here is that if you're not here to stop me, then you can't very well stop me. And as lovely as it is to be held like this, that will prevent you from making any headway on this little one-way adventure you seem keen to take.
[Lifting her chin just enough to acquaint herself with the line of his jaw, she savoured that feeling. It was not often that she had the opportunity to feel his skin against hers.]
Do you think me a flower? All delicate things and soft? It's fine if you don't think I'm capable. I wish you would perceive the strength I held, however. And your own. And how strong we could be together. If you would stop being so stubborn for just a moment or two.
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Date: 2023-12-22 06:48 pm (UTC)I have all night long to leave, I think I will be as self indulgent as I want for now- as long as you will allow me.
[He listened, however, and took her words in, even if he couldn't bring himself to change his mind. This wasn't the eccentric and adventurous tale he hoped for all his life, no Drittz Do'Urden was going to dash into action to save him, no Piergeiron Paladinson who was going to invoke the might of Tyr and get rid of the evil in its own lair- all Astarion could count on was a band of people with different goals and personalities who somehow managed not to kill each other.]
Without me you will have no reason to seek Cazador, which is for the best.
I don't think you a flower, beside your beauty, no. And even if I did, there is plenty of little buds who are as dangerous as thorns. You proven yourself over and over, even if you give yourself limited credit for our success... and I will not squander your chances by being there.
[Perhaps the key was getting her to dislike him? He just needed a moment or two of preparation and could probably get that done easily.]
I know we're stronger together, I truly do, but you are overestimating how strong I actually am, I am afraid.
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Date: 2023-12-22 07:01 pm (UTC)She hadn't expected that either. Perhaps more argument from him, despite how calmly she presented herself. Or attempted to present herself. But when she felt him lean just a little harder into that embrace, whatever resistance she might have had slowly began to crumble into pieces. Her embrace tightened, became more secure, as if she could possibly protect him from all worldly things that might do him harm simply by holding him. Both of them knew, however, that was impossible, though she would have rather liked to think otherwise.
She still couldn't fully agree with him, however. Shaking her head, she found her words again.]
Absence in body is not equivalent to absence in mind, in heart, in spirit. Just because you wouldn't be here doesn't mean none of us wouldn't think of you. Or that we wouldn't want to help pave a pathway towards a better future for you.
[It was no different for any of the others. Why should it have been different for him? She didn't think it was, but maybe she was oversimplifying it.
She drew back only enough to tip her chin up to more properly eye him. Lifting her hands, she hesitated for just a moment before she carefully curled her touch along his jaw. Provided he allowed her. All she wanted to do was hold him like so. To draw his forehead down to hers.]
I think you're stronger than you think you are. It doesn't matter to me how much strength you have, truly. I can make up for whatever you might not hold right now. Let me protect you. Let me be your anchor. Let me show you the way to go forward. It doesn't have to be forever. And I... I'm not asking for anything from you. I'm not expecting anything. But I want the chance to do this. I would prefer it with your blessing, but I'll do it without if I have to.
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Date: 2023-12-22 08:05 pm (UTC)You will have too many things to worry about to focus on... unrelated things.
[He let her touch him freely, eyes half lidded as he took his initiative in drawing them a bit closer and pressing his forehead against hers. The faint glow of her eyes was a nice thing to focus on while trying not to think too much, especially when his few non self sacrificing thoughts at the moment merely suggested him to close the distance further and just kiss her. That would have been a great goodbye gift for himself, at least, but he did value her consent and treasured his sanity too much.]
You are making this incredibly difficult, my dear.
no subject
Date: 2023-12-22 08:26 pm (UTC)[...But it was a little endearing that he tried.
She suspected there really was no way to conceal that racing heart she'd acquired more often in his presence. The warm thrum of blood as it coursed along her insides. The gentle heat that settled into her cheeks when she realised how close he drew her to him. In the sunset, perhaps there couldn't have been a more perfect backdrop. If the situation had been different, she might have likened it to something romantic.
Even with things as they were, it was romantic. She could certainly be reminded of the way he'd turned her heart, though when that had started to happen, she couldn't quite say. She would have much rather thought about that than to think about the prospect of him leaving.
Her gaze could hardly focus on him, feeling just a touch faint, quite possibly the depth of her feelings for him in tandem with that close proximity. Just touching him she felt compelled to touch him more. To learn him and memorise him with her fingertips. She thought other things, at that, the kinds of things that he might have thought her too innocent to consider. What it might have been like to pull her lips across his chilled skin, something that really, truly didn't bother her much. But the thought itself, the way he held her, the truth in her words, all of it left her with a soft, shuddered breath.]
Am I...? [She asked him quietly. Hushed.] You wouldn't have me any other way, I think. Sometimes... the difficult things are worth having.
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Date: 2023-12-23 04:02 pm (UTC)[Being petty and annoying was his specialty, he was so going to embrace it. Her words, her kindness, her determination, they all made his heart melt a little and Astarion knew he couldn't afford such things.
Did he have any real plan? No. WAs it a good idea to march toward the Absolutists? Absolutely not. But getting out of the camp was going to help him clear his head and figure out his next personal step. The feelings he had just by studying her heartbeat, seeing the color in her face and being so close- no, in his dream-like scenarios he was the one who was lifted between Drizz Do'Urden's arms and was carried away on the man's phanter to safety. He could concede that at least there was a match on the lavender eyes, maybe he had a type and he didn't even know, but that was beside the point. He was the one elegantly taken to safety in his fantasies, not the one trying to do something stupid to protect someone else.
Yet there he was.
With Baldur's Gate's walls greeting them in the distance, with the sun falling behind the horizon and the last rays of light kissing the Tiefling in the most beautiful way, acting like- an idiot. He took a deep breath, knowing he had to stop things from getting worse and worse.]
You're right. I wouldn't have you any other way. But as you take your own decisions, I take mines.
[He lived with a strong and newfound respect for his personal boundaries, especially when it came to physical consent, but for once he was going to break his new rules to indulge in just a bit more. If he was going to part ways with them, with her, he wanted just one good thing to take with himself. his hands slowly moved from her back to her shoulders and he closed his eyes for a moment. At least he was going to run away with a good memory, even if a discutible one. In a moment the vampire closed the distance between them, stealing the chastest of kisses and barely brushing her lips. Afraid to do anything more, to cross even further a line he wasn't supposed to, he almost immediately pushed her back.]
Well then, my dear... [He tapped his imaginary hat.] Goodbye.
[Taking advantage of Misty Steps, he was already on the ground floor, running toward the forest they left behind just few hours ago.]