Closed to @divinestrike
Dec. 15th, 2022 03:10 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
pale_elf[ Astarion was spending an awful lot of time... away from camp. If the group was resting, either he meditated, exchanged short snarky sentences with some companions or 'scouted'. Most of the time he was scouting. There was just a lingering sense of irritation that kept growing since things started to shift away from the priority, Moonrise Tower, to... whatever Halsin wanted to do. Of course Nepione wanted to help Bear Daddy, so everyone else in the team was involved in that stupid quest to fix a curse that had been there for a century. As if waiting a few more weeks would have been such a bad thing, it wasn't like the entire area was going to recover quickly anyway.
But nooooo, everyone had to play nice and try to find a way to wake up this Cullagh person from the inn to hear more about his Thaniel and- everything was just getting out of control! Not that the vampire wanted to move toward Baldur's Gate, not without knowing from Raphael what the hell his scars meant, but- there was a form of relentlessness in him that he could barely explain.
So? He wandered. With the pixie's blessing he could go everywhere he wanted. Yes, sometimes he had to rush away running because shades were attacking him, once he had to run straight from the city to the inn in a single go to avoid being mauled, but having something to keep him focused helped tremendously with his anxiety. He explored, mapped things and interesting buildings that could probably need a... friendly check in later and opened every chest he could find. His main attention was the fallen city, at least for now, and even if he avoided the main buildings -too much movements inside the house of healing or the tavern and when he tried to peek inside the tollhouse it was full of floating skulls and he decided not to go on his own- there was so much else to see.
A shame he had not been allowed to visit when he was a rich's merchant's guest with Cazador, it would have been useful knowing more of the landscape than what the tavern was like and the fact one of the now fallen buildings once used to be a brothel he was forced to work into for a while. At least he got his hands on a strange little ring that emitted a gentle glow (he took note it tended to glow brighter near the healing house) and a selunite ancient robe he totally didn't steal from a grave. His bag was filled with little trinkets, blankets, bits of jewels and alchemic ingredients, but what he was focusing on the most was the large amount of journals that detailed the tragedies of that place. He laughed at them, read the pathetic poetry of the two skeletons on the top of one of the buildings, burnt books and journals that didn't mean much in the great scheme of thins and collected what could be useful.
If was one of them that made him stop on his tracks and squint just slightly. From a quick skim it was merely the traveling journal, but the fact it was better preserved than many things around it told him it had been either dropped in the corner of the street recently, maybe by people carrying too many things to notice the loss, and a name on it made him go 'oh'. Yes, names weren't completely unique, there were probably countless other Astarions between the elves, but that wasn't the point: that was a companion's name and mentions of blue skin and other details while describing a kid just-]
Well then...
[Against his better judgement, the rogue slipped it in his bag and, even if he wasn't done exploring, found his way back to camp. Karlach was the first one to greet him and he ungracefully tossed in her direction a strength potion he found while searching. To Shadowheart went a couple of trinkets who needed identification, to Wyll a new rapier and Lae'Zel a sharpening stone. He got a present for almost everyone, Gale could just pray Mystra for all he cares and Halsin- oh, of course Halsin and the cleric were talking. Gods, they probably spent their entire time discussing phylosophy, nature or whatever the hells they found so interesting. The vampire rolled his eyes, approaching, and brough his hands behind his back before bending forward and basically putting his torso between them.]
I hope I'm not interrupting anything buuut I may use our little blue girl's attention for a moment. FIrst. I got you something.
[He sounded absolutely delighted as he unpacked and opened the silver robe in front of her. How it survived without any damage for almost a century while buried underground was a mystery, but he wasn't going to complain.]
Isn't this lovely? No magic, no, but you and Isolde can be twins now! Just two girl friends looking up at the moon and wearing the same identical boring robe! I know, I'm far too kind. But don't worry, you can pay me back almost immediately! There's something I must ask you- [Eyes went in Halsin's direction, who seemed extremely amused by the vampire for some reasons] Privately.
[No bears invited. No one else but the cleric. Honestly, he was doing her a SECOND favor because not only he stopped reading the journal as soon as he realized it could have been important for her, no, but he even avoided to make a big scene about it in front of everyone and going 'look at this! I found something that may be yours!". Nepione was as secretive as he liked to be himself and he was.... planning to win some points by keeping it in mind.]
No offense, musk man, but this is a thing that we night people must talk about on our own.
But nooooo, everyone had to play nice and try to find a way to wake up this Cullagh person from the inn to hear more about his Thaniel and- everything was just getting out of control! Not that the vampire wanted to move toward Baldur's Gate, not without knowing from Raphael what the hell his scars meant, but- there was a form of relentlessness in him that he could barely explain.
So? He wandered. With the pixie's blessing he could go everywhere he wanted. Yes, sometimes he had to rush away running because shades were attacking him, once he had to run straight from the city to the inn in a single go to avoid being mauled, but having something to keep him focused helped tremendously with his anxiety. He explored, mapped things and interesting buildings that could probably need a... friendly check in later and opened every chest he could find. His main attention was the fallen city, at least for now, and even if he avoided the main buildings -too much movements inside the house of healing or the tavern and when he tried to peek inside the tollhouse it was full of floating skulls and he decided not to go on his own- there was so much else to see.
A shame he had not been allowed to visit when he was a rich's merchant's guest with Cazador, it would have been useful knowing more of the landscape than what the tavern was like and the fact one of the now fallen buildings once used to be a brothel he was forced to work into for a while. At least he got his hands on a strange little ring that emitted a gentle glow (he took note it tended to glow brighter near the healing house) and a selunite ancient robe he totally didn't steal from a grave. His bag was filled with little trinkets, blankets, bits of jewels and alchemic ingredients, but what he was focusing on the most was the large amount of journals that detailed the tragedies of that place. He laughed at them, read the pathetic poetry of the two skeletons on the top of one of the buildings, burnt books and journals that didn't mean much in the great scheme of thins and collected what could be useful.
If was one of them that made him stop on his tracks and squint just slightly. From a quick skim it was merely the traveling journal, but the fact it was better preserved than many things around it told him it had been either dropped in the corner of the street recently, maybe by people carrying too many things to notice the loss, and a name on it made him go 'oh'. Yes, names weren't completely unique, there were probably countless other Astarions between the elves, but that wasn't the point: that was a companion's name and mentions of blue skin and other details while describing a kid just-]
Well then...
[Against his better judgement, the rogue slipped it in his bag and, even if he wasn't done exploring, found his way back to camp. Karlach was the first one to greet him and he ungracefully tossed in her direction a strength potion he found while searching. To Shadowheart went a couple of trinkets who needed identification, to Wyll a new rapier and Lae'Zel a sharpening stone. He got a present for almost everyone, Gale could just pray Mystra for all he cares and Halsin- oh, of course Halsin and the cleric were talking. Gods, they probably spent their entire time discussing phylosophy, nature or whatever the hells they found so interesting. The vampire rolled his eyes, approaching, and brough his hands behind his back before bending forward and basically putting his torso between them.]
I hope I'm not interrupting anything buuut I may use our little blue girl's attention for a moment. FIrst. I got you something.
[He sounded absolutely delighted as he unpacked and opened the silver robe in front of her. How it survived without any damage for almost a century while buried underground was a mystery, but he wasn't going to complain.]
Isn't this lovely? No magic, no, but you and Isolde can be twins now! Just two girl friends looking up at the moon and wearing the same identical boring robe! I know, I'm far too kind. But don't worry, you can pay me back almost immediately! There's something I must ask you- [Eyes went in Halsin's direction, who seemed extremely amused by the vampire for some reasons] Privately.
[No bears invited. No one else but the cleric. Honestly, he was doing her a SECOND favor because not only he stopped reading the journal as soon as he realized it could have been important for her, no, but he even avoided to make a big scene about it in front of everyone and going 'look at this! I found something that may be yours!". Nepione was as secretive as he liked to be himself and he was.... planning to win some points by keeping it in mind.]
No offense, musk man, but this is a thing that we night people must talk about on our own.
no subject
Date: 2023-12-16 01:32 pm (UTC)For several breaths, and she wasn't sure how many exactly, she didn't even say anything, simply sifting through the variety of thoughts like there was a physical pile of them. Most of which had never seen the light of day, wrapped up tightly and hidden in a place where she hoped no one would find them.
She wasn't proud of the present moment. Of what she looked like in it. Would have been easier, perhaps, to continue her little charade. Having a real conversation felt... terrifying. Exhausting. It left her remarkably exposed. But maybe there was nothing she could have done. She'd been the one who started it, regardless of Astarion's role in it.
He was not the one to blame, but did she really think that or had she just developed the poor habit of assuming all responsibility had to be hers?
The way she held the journal to her tightened, claws threatening the integrity of its exterior.
He didn't need to say any of that. Some of it she didn't even agree with. It was hard to hear. Hard to listen to. Hard to not immediately reject all of it. She hated the praise for what she felt wasn't really her doing at all. The worst part was that whenever she spoke, she couldn't just take it back.
He would always know. He would look at her and would always remember. So in effect, she'd already ruined that.]
You... don't need to reassure me. [She replied gently, as kindly as she could, considerably worn down to the point where she wouldn't outright refuse.] I think I've stayed here long enough. Taken your time long enough. But—
[But she appreciated it. She knew she did. Where she ordinarily would have said it, she felt like she couldn't force the words out. Embarrassment, perhaps.]
Uhm. [Lifting a hand and drawing a claw over her bottom lip in thought, she struggled with what to say. An apology would have been the best thing to give, but she was too humiliated to do that, too.] You said before that you haven't eaten for days. Everyone needs you. Please take advantage of your resources. Before you go to Moonrise.
no subject
Date: 2023-12-16 02:44 pm (UTC)The fact she wasn't responding as he expected to his words, despite his decades spent practicing the art of making the others feel special, it was driving him insane.]
This is not reassuring you, this is what I see with my fucking eyes. Which, apparently, work much better than yours. [No, he had to avoid sounding angry, he had to- his shoulders deflated as he let out a deep breath.] Silliness, I am the one who invited you here.
Really, you take too many responsibilities and too little credit. Why is that?
[Abusive household? People telling her she wasn't good enough as a cleric through her life? Probably some racism too, after all she was a tiefling and he knew how people were. He just needed to figure that one out and work on it, eventually. If there were multiple factors at work, he was going to tackle them one at time- after all she was important to the team and Nepione breaking down at the worst possible moment, it was important for everyone's survival.
And he couldn't imagine her not building even more barriers, now that control slipped once. He had to slowly chip them away and not give her time to... he didn't know! Heal? How in the name of the nine hells did that work? No, this was in the name of survival and-
The offer from the girl made him take a half step back, his lips turning into a thin line. He wanted to accept, he wanted to bite anything at this point, but he spent so long with Cazador just giving him enough to keep him going, he survived a year in a tomb without drinking a single drop, and- and right after such conversation, it suddenly felt too intimate as a moment to share.]
No. I appreciate the offer, but it's a no. You fight in the fray, I don't. You can hit multiple enemies at time, I can't. If we go and assault Moonrise Tower- [It was a matter of when, not if.] you are the one who must be at her best. Not me. I still have a few days of autonomy before I start looking at everyone thinking they're big walking snacks, I don't intend to lose control.
Now. Why don't you... go? And maybe make yourself pretty in the silver dress and leave work to the side for one night? Read your journal, brush your hair, go cuddle the bear, do something for yourself.
[Why did he feel like retching after that last sentence? No time to question himself.]
no subject
Date: 2023-12-16 03:36 pm (UTC)[Words locked into her throat. She didn't know what to address first. There was just so much. All she'd tried to do was accept his input without turning it down, that latter of which was normally how she would have handled it.
She didn't even have a good reason for why she did as she did. She suspected it had to do with her experiences. Spending her life feeling that she didn't belong anywhere, looked at like she was some monster, it was like she played at being anything other than herself. She longed for companionship, longed to have someone she could trust, but was afraid the moment she let any such person close enough to her to do so, that they would either do unto her a great harm, or it would be so fleeting that she would be left in shambles.
The very real possibility of dying remained a constant in her head as well. She had to do everything she could, just in case one of these days were her last.
That was so much to say, though. It only would have angered him more and heart-to-hearts were not something she thought he would enjoy.]
I'm sorry. [She managed to utter, though it was almost hushed. Her flush darkened and she pointedly focused on the pillow she'd sat on when he'd originally invited her in.] As usual, everything I try to say comes out wrong around you. I can't ever say the right thing.
[She had to force herself to laugh, quiet as it was, because she was afraid of what she'd do otherwise. At least she hadn't started crying in front of him. That would have been worse, though there hadn't been many moments in which she had, and it had been so long since she had, she wasn't certain that she still could. She did not want to test that.
So instead, she eyed him with concern. Why was it fine for him to get after her about care and ignore his own? It didn't even have to be her. She'd never even mentioned herself. Maybe he was afraid that he wouldn't be able to stop. Or maybe he was afraid in general. Still a man of secrets, she still felt like she didn't even know him. Just a perfect stranger. As she moved her gaze back onto him, trying to at least seem more a little more at peace (likely for his sake), her gaze was far more transparent with her prying concern for him. For his state.
But he had said no.]
I'll go, as you want me to, but... Halsin and I aren't like that. I don't know where you got such a silly idea, but that just isn't the way things are. So please, let's try not to start any rumours of that sort.
[Probably the last thing she needed as she reached for the entrance to his tent with the intentions of lifting it to show herself out.
She wouldn't promise the rest. Knowing how vulnerable she felt, it seemed best to stay to herself. To do the same thing she always did. Figure things out for the days to come. That wouldn't please him either, but what he wouldn't know, wouldn't hurt him.]