[Words locked into her throat. She didn't know what to address first. There was just so much. All she'd tried to do was accept his input without turning it down, that latter of which was normally how she would have handled it.
She didn't even have a good reason for why she did as she did. She suspected it had to do with her experiences. Spending her life feeling that she didn't belong anywhere, looked at like she was some monster, it was like she played at being anything other than herself. She longed for companionship, longed to have someone she could trust, but was afraid the moment she let any such person close enough to her to do so, that they would either do unto her a great harm, or it would be so fleeting that she would be left in shambles.
The very real possibility of dying remained a constant in her head as well. She had to do everything she could, just in case one of these days were her last.
That was so much to say, though. It only would have angered him more and heart-to-hearts were not something she thought he would enjoy.]
I'm sorry. [She managed to utter, though it was almost hushed. Her flush darkened and she pointedly focused on the pillow she'd sat on when he'd originally invited her in.] As usual, everything I try to say comes out wrong around you. I can't ever say the right thing.
[She had to force herself to laugh, quiet as it was, because she was afraid of what she'd do otherwise. At least she hadn't started crying in front of him. That would have been worse, though there hadn't been many moments in which she had, and it had been so long since she had, she wasn't certain that she still could. She did not want to test that.
So instead, she eyed him with concern. Why was it fine for him to get after her about care and ignore his own? It didn't even have to be her. She'd never even mentioned herself. Maybe he was afraid that he wouldn't be able to stop. Or maybe he was afraid in general. Still a man of secrets, she still felt like she didn't even know him. Just a perfect stranger. As she moved her gaze back onto him, trying to at least seem more a little more at peace (likely for his sake), her gaze was far more transparent with her prying concern for him. For his state.
But he had said no.]
I'll go, as you want me to, but... Halsin and I aren't like that. I don't know where you got such a silly idea, but that just isn't the way things are. So please, let's try not to start any rumours of that sort.
[Probably the last thing she needed as she reached for the entrance to his tent with the intentions of lifting it to show herself out.
She wouldn't promise the rest. Knowing how vulnerable she felt, it seemed best to stay to herself. To do the same thing she always did. Figure things out for the days to come. That wouldn't please him either, but what he wouldn't know, wouldn't hurt him.]
no subject
[Words locked into her throat. She didn't know what to address first. There was just so much. All she'd tried to do was accept his input without turning it down, that latter of which was normally how she would have handled it.
She didn't even have a good reason for why she did as she did. She suspected it had to do with her experiences. Spending her life feeling that she didn't belong anywhere, looked at like she was some monster, it was like she played at being anything other than herself. She longed for companionship, longed to have someone she could trust, but was afraid the moment she let any such person close enough to her to do so, that they would either do unto her a great harm, or it would be so fleeting that she would be left in shambles.
The very real possibility of dying remained a constant in her head as well. She had to do everything she could, just in case one of these days were her last.
That was so much to say, though. It only would have angered him more and heart-to-hearts were not something she thought he would enjoy.]
I'm sorry. [She managed to utter, though it was almost hushed. Her flush darkened and she pointedly focused on the pillow she'd sat on when he'd originally invited her in.] As usual, everything I try to say comes out wrong around you. I can't ever say the right thing.
[She had to force herself to laugh, quiet as it was, because she was afraid of what she'd do otherwise. At least she hadn't started crying in front of him. That would have been worse, though there hadn't been many moments in which she had, and it had been so long since she had, she wasn't certain that she still could. She did not want to test that.
So instead, she eyed him with concern. Why was it fine for him to get after her about care and ignore his own? It didn't even have to be her. She'd never even mentioned herself. Maybe he was afraid that he wouldn't be able to stop. Or maybe he was afraid in general. Still a man of secrets, she still felt like she didn't even know him. Just a perfect stranger. As she moved her gaze back onto him, trying to at least seem more a little more at peace (likely for his sake), her gaze was far more transparent with her prying concern for him. For his state.
But he had said no.]
I'll go, as you want me to, but... Halsin and I aren't like that. I don't know where you got such a silly idea, but that just isn't the way things are. So please, let's try not to start any rumours of that sort.
[Probably the last thing she needed as she reached for the entrance to his tent with the intentions of lifting it to show herself out.
She wouldn't promise the rest. Knowing how vulnerable she felt, it seemed best to stay to herself. To do the same thing she always did. Figure things out for the days to come. That wouldn't please him either, but what he wouldn't know, wouldn't hurt him.]