[Real conversations were terrifying, yes, and Astarion was learning that truth himself lately now that he was exposing some of hit truths to others and- it was scary. It made you feel exposed, vulnerable, judged, but perhaps they were all past the point where they could play pretend. He hated being there instead of fighting for his life in the shadowed village or being chased by Gurs, truly.
The fact she wasn't responding as he expected to his words, despite his decades spent practicing the art of making the others feel special, it was driving him insane.]
This is not reassuring you, this is what I see with my fucking eyes. Which, apparently, work much better than yours. [No, he had to avoid sounding angry, he had to- his shoulders deflated as he let out a deep breath.] Silliness, I am the one who invited you here.
Really, you take too many responsibilities and too little credit. Why is that?
[Abusive household? People telling her she wasn't good enough as a cleric through her life? Probably some racism too, after all she was a tiefling and he knew how people were. He just needed to figure that one out and work on it, eventually. If there were multiple factors at work, he was going to tackle them one at time- after all she was important to the team and Nepione breaking down at the worst possible moment, it was important for everyone's survival.
And he couldn't imagine her not building even more barriers, now that control slipped once. He had to slowly chip them away and not give her time to... he didn't know! Heal? How in the name of the nine hells did that work? No, this was in the name of survival and-
The offer from the girl made him take a half step back, his lips turning into a thin line. He wanted to accept, he wanted to bite anything at this point, but he spent so long with Cazador just giving him enough to keep him going, he survived a year in a tomb without drinking a single drop, and- and right after such conversation, it suddenly felt too intimate as a moment to share.]
No. I appreciate the offer, but it's a no. You fight in the fray, I don't. You can hit multiple enemies at time, I can't. If we go and assault Moonrise Tower- [It was a matter of when, not if.] you are the one who must be at her best. Not me. I still have a few days of autonomy before I start looking at everyone thinking they're big walking snacks, I don't intend to lose control.
Now. Why don't you... go? And maybe make yourself pretty in the silver dress and leave work to the side for one night? Read your journal, brush your hair, go cuddle the bear, do something for yourself.
[Why did he feel like retching after that last sentence? No time to question himself.]
no subject
The fact she wasn't responding as he expected to his words, despite his decades spent practicing the art of making the others feel special, it was driving him insane.]
This is not reassuring you, this is what I see with my fucking eyes. Which, apparently, work much better than yours. [No, he had to avoid sounding angry, he had to- his shoulders deflated as he let out a deep breath.] Silliness, I am the one who invited you here.
Really, you take too many responsibilities and too little credit. Why is that?
[Abusive household? People telling her she wasn't good enough as a cleric through her life? Probably some racism too, after all she was a tiefling and he knew how people were. He just needed to figure that one out and work on it, eventually. If there were multiple factors at work, he was going to tackle them one at time- after all she was important to the team and Nepione breaking down at the worst possible moment, it was important for everyone's survival.
And he couldn't imagine her not building even more barriers, now that control slipped once. He had to slowly chip them away and not give her time to... he didn't know! Heal? How in the name of the nine hells did that work? No, this was in the name of survival and-
The offer from the girl made him take a half step back, his lips turning into a thin line. He wanted to accept, he wanted to bite anything at this point, but he spent so long with Cazador just giving him enough to keep him going, he survived a year in a tomb without drinking a single drop, and- and right after such conversation, it suddenly felt too intimate as a moment to share.]
No. I appreciate the offer, but it's a no. You fight in the fray, I don't. You can hit multiple enemies at time, I can't. If we go and assault Moonrise Tower- [It was a matter of when, not if.] you are the one who must be at her best. Not me. I still have a few days of autonomy before I start looking at everyone thinking they're big walking snacks, I don't intend to lose control.
Now. Why don't you... go? And maybe make yourself pretty in the silver dress and leave work to the side for one night? Read your journal, brush your hair, go cuddle the bear, do something for yourself.
[Why did he feel like retching after that last sentence? No time to question himself.]